All posts filed under: Personal

In This Space … 

Decided in an effort to write slightly longer posts and embrace vulnerability, I should share a few “journal” type entries. Not sure whether or not to include full dates, or just day and month, so I’ll play around with it and see how I feel.  31st August;  It’s 10PM and I’m sitting here,asking myself if it really is easier to cling onto these memories, but also wondering why I cling onto them so tight to begin with?   My only conclusion is that I’m worried about what’s outside of this space.  Despite my heart breaking a little more each day, somehow I still want to stay here. Its painful but it doesn’t yet feel like it’ll be any better out there.  In here it’s dark and I feel sick and scared of what will be revealed to me next.  I have to cry myself to sleep, or speak to anyone who’ll listen and then and only then is it over and I can again see a future.  Suddenly I start reflecting on the never ending …

Life + Blog Update With A Side Of .. Hope?

Since briefly mentioning my break up last week (here) I’ve been trying to re-organise myself, whilst attempting to do the same with my blog as my writing has fallen way behind. Something which I never saw coming, I thought I wouldn’t be able to shut up and have about 20 posts up already but, nope.  That was until last night. The combination of no sleep, having no contact with Mr C and a weekend fuelled by things people do at weekends, I ended up writing Mr Cheerful a bit of a book. This morning, I briefly went over what I had written and the parts I looked at seem so tangled in sadness, shock and confusion.  Emotions of going through a break up? But for some reason I feel the same way I did when my Grandfather died. Which is that I have no right to feel this way. I shouldn’t be sad anymore. I should already have moved on from this.  I should already be .. happier. Think these thoughts may also be down …

Life Update (With A Side of Jet Lag)

Hello! Hello! Today I wanted to share what’s kept me away from here, beginning with the news that I am no longer in Japan and finally back home in London. HURRAH but first lets go back to my last days in Japan and the ridiculousness that took place. Forgive my ramblings I wrote this SUPER jet lagged. Goodbye (for now) My Loves … During my last week and a half I became part owner of these two. How did this happen? I went to get my dog his vet certificate for travel and bumped into a distressed lady and three kittens in a box, by the way this is the second time I have met a lady with a box of stray kittens at the vets. She stroke up a conversation with me as the only other English speaker and we bonded over animals.I found out later that she was a flight attendant and due to leave that very same day, so she desperately wanted someone i.e the vets to look after them. After a …

Birthday Love …

Yesterday was my birthday and to be honest, I had been trying to avoid this particular one for the longest time and whoop there it was. I had been avoiding it because it’s one step closer to the age where everyone puts even MORE pressure on you, to have your ‘’sh*t together’’. And right now I don’t feel like I do. At. ALL. This post was going to be about not being happy with where I am in life right now, but looking back, that seems SO trivial and irrelevant in light of recent events. Mr C sadly lost his Grandmother last week. The news is still fresh and understandably it’s not been the best week for him and his family. Despite everything that’s happened, Mr Cheerful still went out of his way to give me the most memorable and lovely birthday. He showed up for me in ways I can never fully repay him for. The outpouring of heartfelt messages, and sharing of photos has been touching to witness. What I’ve learned from his …